Last week was valentine, I wonder if the aroma/stench of love is still in the air. For me val’s day has always been a date; people do romantic stuff and I try to be among the living by baking a heart shaped cake or taking myself out. Still i’ve never been a celebrant at Valentine.
It’s okay, such is life, i’ve accepted my fate so far, but what i’m finding difficult to accept is that i’m a hopeless romantic. What such of an adjective is that! By birth, blood and genes I’m an over-emotional person; if you know me long enough you’d have seen me cry, laugh hysterically, burst out in rage, all the extremes of emotions. And then if you’ve dated me you would testify that i’m well, a hopeless romantic. But come on! Don’t I get to chose?
Well yeah, everything in life is a choice. I’m born to be vulnerable emotionally but I can work on that. I should be susceptible to heart breaks given my temperament but I can also fix that. I really don’t have to put up with anything I don’t like in my life. We have the license to be happy in life.
So! I have created a project to calcify my heart, Lol. Yeah, to make it less vulnerable; like guys! i’m so soft; so emotional. The littlest thing gets to my feelings especially in love relationships; if he doesn’t respond to my texts as at when due I would go crazy with the feeling of rejection, imagine he now breaks up with me, you guess right. So, my ‘Mission: Heart of Steel‘ is very vital.
What does it entail?
Basically, i’ve decided to work on myself. The problem cannot be with all the guys it has to be me. So, i’m going to:
- Fortify my heart: steel bricks for the walls, #youknowwhatimean. Proverbs 4:23 says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Our hearts need fortification after all. Can’t just let anything/anyone access it. Protect it from assailants. I’d have to be careful how, who and why I give the keys of my heart. Maybe having emotional walls is not a negative thing afterall.
- Fill my heart: After building the steel walls what goes on inside those walls? If nothing is happening in there i’ll become of all men most miserable, I will long for a Knight in Shining armor to come in his flying horse to save me which would be frustrating and defeat the purpose of this project. I know strong women and men with steel’ hearts that are not depressed or lonely you know. So, i’m going to read great books, interact with great minds, attend church a lot (because it’s the best AA, club, rehab, socialite, place to be. If you discover a church you fit into -or fits into you- spend your life in there), pray everyday (talk to God every day, like have a long diary section with him, just vent, pour out my heart to him; say it as it is) and finally, stock my heart with beautiful things like the Words of God. That way there’ll never be a dull moment in my heart of steel.
Would you want a heart of steel?