Most people think loneliness is a negative feeling to be avoided. Whilst it’s not the best of feelings to have it can be a blessing. It’s like hunger, it’s not a great experience but it’s a notification, a positive one; that you have to throw some food in there. They say ‘be alone but don’t get lonely’ but it doesn’t happen that way overnight, you need to get through the loneliness first, then you can be a pro and not be lonely.
How do you get through Loneliness in one piece?
~ Learn the truth about it: Imagine you have an only child that doesn’t spend time with you, he or she’s everywhere else but with you. Then you ground the teenager, take him or her on a private vacation, just the two of you. You take your beloved child away from other people because you want her or him to talk with you. To learn from you, take counsel from you. You want to spend quality time with that child. After the vacation, you both go back home and your kid can go back to his or her life.
That’s what God does with us when we discover we’re lonely. He separates us from people and things because he needs our attention, especially when He has a task for us. He takes away the people or person we’re invested in. He breaks our heart to mend our future. It’s like when God said to Jacob, “separate yourself.” because he wanted to have an important chat with him.
When you discover you’re not hearing from God, you need to separate yourself from everything else, if you don’t God will anyways. There’ll be a vacuum in your heart; a yearning for companionship. You may have been that way for years but you’ll find out it’s become unbearable, that’s God calling out to you! It’s going to last as long as it takes for you to be whole by yourself with the Holy spirit. The more you fight your loneliness the longer the phase.
~ Make the right response: When you confirm you’re lonely you need to savour every minute, don’t panic and feel dejected. You’re not sick psychologically, you don’t need more friends. God wants to teach you a lesson. Pick up your pen, journal and Bible. Sit down in that stillness and learn at His feet. Still yourself, calm your yearning for conversations, for hang outs for calls, for roses, still you mind and focus on the Spirit of God.
~Spend time with yourself:
I’m excited to share with you what fun you can have with yourself. You need to develop a desire to know YOU. Do you know there’re places you can spend time by yourself literally and you’re so blessed? E.g library, Cinema, gym, nature parks. You don’t always have to be in the midst of people, and if you must, be around the right kind of people; don’t be spending all your time in love shacks where you’re surrounded by couples whereas you’re single.
As an undergraduate I spent 70% of my time in the Library surrounded by the sweet smell of books. That’s why I didn’t feel the need to hook up. The library was my angst. Several times I was the only one in a cinema room, it helped me become comfortable with being alone; it was like familiarising myself with solitude such that even when I had to stay back alone in my room when my roomies when for dinner parties I wasn’t overwhelmed by sadness and depression. If you’re comfortable with you anyone can be comfortable with you. Stop avoiding YOU, be comfortable talking to yourself when there’s no one to talk to. Don’t get tired of looking at yourself in the mirror. This brings me to the next point.
~Invest in your personality: My Pastor always says, “Train your spirit to become an excellent character.” Whatever you put into your spirit, soul and body is what you’ll produce.
• Read all the books you’ve always wanted to read.
•Work out and build a body you’re proud of.
• Go see those places you’ve always wanted to. If you’re broke and lonely it’s a different case scenario though, Lol. Travelling should be on everyone’s budget; long term or regular. Every adult should save up for a trip at least once every year. It might be to the next town, village, city or country, just change your environment. It’s really important to TRAVEL. There’s what seeing new places does to the mind.
• Discover something fun that lifts your spirit and do it regularly. I love to catch movies at the Cinema, there’s something about being there in the dark watching beautiful stories. I also love KFC chicken, it takes only one piece to brighten up my day 😁. Yours could be swimming, going to the parks ( nature parks, not motor parks), whatever OUTDOOR experience you discover works for you .
Have you ever danced in your underwear? You should try it sometime, it’s an unbelievable therapy, Kai! It could be cooking or watching home movies, whatever, find something fun you love to do and don’t hesitate to engage in it often.
• Unleash the writer in you! Scribble, scribble and scribble! Whether it’s constructive scribbling or you’re just doodling, write as often as you can and keep records of what you’ve written. I’ve discovered writing can be therapy and an effective means of exercising your brain cells. Plus it’s a useful way to spend your time. Create a blog, a Journal or whatever you want to call the notebook and WRITE.
Being lonely is a blind check to get whatever personal achievement you so desire.
Loneliness is temporary, except you keep running away from it. When you achieve the wholeness God intends for you, people are going to come back. You’re going to burst forth in radiant colors of glory. All the investments into your character will pay off. It’s better to come out whole after a period of separation than to be deficient in character even though you’re Queen bee of the social hive.
When you stop being lonely even though you’re alone you’ve learned the lesson, you’re ready.
You can be single and satisfied. Singleness isn’t the phase before you find a soulmate, it’s a time to DISCOVER yourself; by learning to be complete in yourself. If you play your single cards right you’ll discover you don’t need anyone or anything to validate you. You’ll be able to beat your chest and say, “Nobody has control over my emotions.” See this,
1× 0.5= 0.5
0.5× 0.5 = 0.25
If 1 is a WHOLE person and × is a relationship , = is what they become as a couple.
Do you expect a man or woman to complete you when you’re 0.5? Do the math.